


Between Us

by Cassidy_Doris



Category: Merlin (TV), Merthur - Fandom
Genre: Arthur - Freeform, Merlin - Freeform, Merthur - Freeform, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-07 09:02:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassidy_Doris/pseuds/Cassidy_Doris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The days of waiting as told from Arthur's point of view and his time spent on Avalon.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have to note that this is my first ever FanFic and the very first sentence of this story was all that popped into my head before I decided to sit down and roll with it and see what I got. So, please, constructive criticism is helpful, since I'm so new at this but hate is something I'm very bad at handling. But if you are here reading this, thank you. Also stay tuned! I am not done yet, this is only the beginning! :)

**Chapter 1**

 

The day I died, his face was the last face I ever saw. I can still feel him, his forehead against mine, warm breathe touching my face like the way the sun kisses your skin, calming. I can still hear him, his quiet sobs, and his whispers, _"stay with me.”_ How I wanted to stay. For him, with him, and only him, but I couldn't. Not then, but I will someday, and until then, here I wait; on the edge of Avalon, where no one can see me but I can see them. He comes nearly every day, or maybe he never leaves, but I watch him as he stands tall and I want to call out to him. Some days I do, when the wind picks up and travels across the lake, making ripples against the water. I yell, “MERLIN,” and when the wind hits him, ruffling his red scarf, playing with his hair like hands brushing through it, how I wish they were my hands. His head perks up, like he has heard me and I swear he does, because always, for a brief second, he smiles and it is the only time I ever see him smile when he’s here. I am the only one here. From time to time I see people I know, but they smile at me and move on. They always stare into the same direction, like something is calling for them and they disappear. No one ever calls for me, but then she shows up, a small girl, brown hair and brown eyes. She’s wearing a brown shabby dress that falls at her knees, her hair is tangly and she has soot on her face but she’s smiling at me and as she gets closer she finally speaks

  
“Hello Arthur,” She says to me.

  
“Hello,” I say tentatively back. I’d be stupid to ask her how she knows my name but she is looking at me like she has known me my whole life, like I should know her too. She did look familiar but I couldn't quite place it.

  
“My name is Freya,” I nod; this doesn't help me.

  
“Right, and now that we know each other’s name can I ask what I’m doing here? And why do you look so familiar? What are you doing here? And why he’s always here? And why I can’t talk to him? And why I always see people pass through here, never to return but yet I am stuck?” the last part comes out in a whimper and I bit my lip in anger. As a king one should never show their true fear, but I guess I don’t have to worry about that now, seeing as I am not a king anymore.

  
“Easy there, in time I will tell you everything but you talk so fast. What do you want to know first?” As Freya asks she touches my arm softly and I pull back because it is the first time someone has touched me since the last time and I don’t want to have someone touch me so quickly. I want to remember his hands against my cheeks; I want to remember his skin against mine. I can still feel him, even though I was long gone. Maybe it’s just my imagination but I can remember him: mechanically place my body on the boat, place my hands on top of my stomach, making sure my cloak is displayed neatly. I can feel his fingertips brush against my hair, rearranging it just right. He was tender, soft and loving and these are the thoughts that keep me together most of the time. I turn to her, hot tears streaming down my face that I don’t bother to bat away.

  
“What am I doing here?” I ask.

  
“This is Avalon, your final resting place, where Merlin has put you to rest until it is time. I am Freya, they call me the Lady of the Lake, because I was laid to rest here too by Merlin and we are the two he loved the most. I promised him that I would return the help he gave me. This is me doing so. I guard your sword and it waits, peacefully at the bottom of the lake for your return.” Freya speaks calmly to me but she doesn't try to touch me again, her eyes are gentle and I find I cannot distrust her, even though I have no idea who she is. Except she said Merlin and love, that Merlin loved her.

  
“Merlin never loved any girls. I would know.” I cross my arms. She laughs.

  
“Really, out of all that, that is what you are going to start to pick apart first?” She shakes her head.

  
“Well, I’m just saying, I would know.” I grumble. I’m offended by her laughing, like I have done something to make my feelings for Merlin obvious, feelings I haven’t even been able to admit to myself, “But how did you know Merlin?”

  
“Awhile back, before you were king, there was a threat against Camelot, a Bastet, do you recall?” She asks.

  
“Yes, hell of a thing, it was massive and terrifying.” I started to recall it all now, the way I had cornered it, wounded it.  
“That was me.” Freya said with a dead expression on her face.

  
“It was what? I’m sorry, did you say, you were that thing that terrorized my kingdom?” I am instantly defensive. My hands go to my side instinctively, only to remember there would be no sword there and no sword needed. We were both dead, non-existent; there would be no point in killing her.

  
“From what you have learned of other’s,” Freya began, pointing her head in the direction of the spot Merlin always stood, “you’d think you might be learning from your mistakes on judging people before you know them.”

  
“You’re right. I apologize.” I raise my hand, to show that the move I had made for my sword was a mistake, “continue.”

  
“Merlin, he rescued me, you see. He brought me food and kept me safe. I loved him and I think he loved me and he had wanted to leave Camelot with me but I couldn't let him do that. So, that’s when I tried to on my own and you caught me.”

  
Flashes hit Arthur now and he remembers why she looks so familiar. He remembers seeing this girl now, right before she changed and he remembers killing her.  
“I am so sorry for what I did.” I step forward to reach out and touch her, to show my sincere apology, but I retreat and she just nods.

  
“It’s okay, really, I have come to terms with it and I was told that it was my destiny when I arrived here.” Freya continues.

  
“Excuse me?” I say, frightened.

  
“We have destinies, Arthur. You and I, some others too. Most pass on for they have fulfilled their duties in this life. But we are different. Special.” Freya says.

  
“Right, right. I’m ‘The Once and Future King,’ right? I could hear that dragon telling Merlin about it. What on earth does that mean? What will happen when I return? When will I return?” I speak softly but quickly. I turn away from her and out to the water looking for the spot Merlin always comes to. If my timing was right he would be here soon, but who knows what time is even like in this place.

  
“When you are needed the most Arthur, you will rise to bring peace to our land at last, the final peace. When you return, it will be for when the world is truly ready for it, when we truly will be able to put aside all over differences and come together in a new age. You will lead us there, just like you will always lead us, Arthur.” Freya speaks with such confidence, I can’t help but to smile because she sounds like someone I know.

  
“You sound just like Merlin. He always had this strong, passionate, faith in me. It would come out in the most crucial times and it always caught me off guard, how he could feel so strongly for me.” My heart was beating fast as I spoke my last words. I could not admit to anyone, not even in my death, that his strong, passionate faith in me were feelings I had hoped meant Merlin felt differently about me than just being my friend. I couldn't think like that, though, not with a kingdom and people to look after. What would they say? Would they have even accepted that perhaps I loved Merlin? These were not thoughts I could ponder for long when I was king because they were silly wishes and dreams. Of course they would not accept it and it would put not only me and my throne in danger but Merlin’s life as well and that was something I could not have.

  
“Arthur,” Freya speaks quietly and kneels next to me. I don’t even know how I've gotten on the ground, but the tears are quickly falling from my eyes and I wipe them away in haste, not knowing how they got their either. I look at her quickly and let out a sob I was trying to hold in. She sits too and looks across the water. When I look back he is there, like nothing has ever changed. His black hair moves with the breeze and his red scarf lifts up, revealing his neck. He’s wearing the same clothes he always wears. In all his years being my servant, I don’t think he owns a different outfit. I see him lift his hands and the wind picks up. He cups them together and brings them to his lips. A second later a butterfly emerges, glides across the water and lands next to my feet. It is a fiery red color, with gold specks. It flaps its wings and flies onto my pant leg. I rest my finger next to it and it climbs up. I lift it to my face and then the most wonderful thing of all happens: I hear him. For the first time, in who knows how long I've been here, I hear him.

  
“I know you’re waiting over there Arthur and I’m waiting too. I’ll be here, I will always be here.” I don’t know how Merlin has gotten a butterfly to relay a message and I don’t know how I can hear him in the beyond but I’ll have to remember to ask him to show me that again one day. His magic certainly is something remarkable. I stare at the butterfly again hoping it will continue to speak but all I can here are the echoes of his voice repeat in my head, “I will always be here.”

  
“God, Merlin, I miss you so much.” I speak out loud, forgetting Freya next to me, forgetting everything and as soon as the words leave my mouth, the wind picks up and the butterfly takes flight back across the lake. I stand up quickly, my heart racing, as I watch the butterfly land on Merlin’s palm. He lifts it to his face and I hope to see him smile but instead I get something much greater: he laughs and he’s suddenly jumping up and down, whooping into the air.

  
“What a clot pole, this one.” I say, pointing to Merlin and looking over at Freya, who is smiling and laughing too.

  
“Arthur, don’t you see?” Freya is jumping up and down too; she wraps her arms around mine and keeps jumping.

  
“I see that the lot of you are crazy.” I laugh and she rolls her eyes.

  
“I can see your sense of humor has not been lost. Arthur, no, he heard you. Look!” Freya is frantic and points back to where Merlin stands. I whip my head around and see the butterfly floating back to me. This time I cup my hands out and watch as it lands at the tip of my finger.

  
“Hello old friend. Well, at least I hope this is you Arthur. It sure sounded like you . . . but Arthur would never admit in a thousand years he missed me.” Merlin’s voice transcended time; this brief moment I feel as if I am not dead at all. We are simply stuck on this island and have no boat to get back across. There is no veil between us. I feel warm, even though until now I hadn't really felt at all. I haven’t felt cold or numb or anything, but I feel this. I feel warmth and happiness. His voice comes back to me one more time, “Arthur, I must be quick. It has taken me such a long time to learn this trick. I wasn't sure it’d work but yet here we are. I don’t know how long this connection will last and I don’t think I can do it all the time but I just had to try.

  
Arthur, the world we built has come to fruition. Gwen is a great queen, Arthur. You’d be so proud. She has accepted magic within our lands and she seeks peace between all kinds. She has asked me to be the Court Sorcerer. I hope it’s okay to accept this position. Arthur, it has only been four years but we miss you every day. Gwen wants to come here soon, to visit, but I must say I’m a bit protective of this place. It holds too many things for me. It holds you and I’m being selfish in admitting that I don’t want to share that with anyone else, but she has a right.

  
I think this magic is going to end soon, I can’t tell. This is so tricky; communicating with the other side is a power no one should have but I, being the greatest sorcerer of all time, get the exception. I’ll try to reach you again soon, but it is so good to know that what the Dragon has told me holds true. That you’re truly there, waiting to return. I will be here every day waiting for your return as well. I will not leave you, Arthur. My place is at your side. Until next time.”

  
My name is but a whisper as the butterfly burns hot and bursts into a sparkly gold light that dissipates into ash. The wind brushes the ashes from my hands. I realize I have closed my eyes, to better hear Merlin’s voice, to imagine him next to me, speaking these words. As if it was just another adventure he and I were on and he’s busying himself with making a fire and food as he talks. When I open them he is long gone and I turn to Freya who has heard the whole thing.

  
“Four years. If it has been that long, why didn't I even notice?” I ask her.

  
“Well, time doesn't really matter to us here. We do not age, so why should time touch us?” Freya responds quietly.

  
“What’s the matter?” I look at her intently. I get the feeling something is wrong.

  
She shakes her head, “It’s nothing.”

 

“I won’t take that as an answer. You can trust me.” I put my hand on her knee.

  
“You love him, don’t you?” The question is barely heard and my heart drops upon hearing it.

  
“No, he’s a lousy servant, a decent friend, but clumsy and he never does what he is told.” I am spitting out things to try and make up for what I really mean. I have no idea what I really mean but I certainly don’t know how to answer this question.

  
“But you love him.” Freya is looking at me intently now.

  
“Well, I suppose as a friend, of course I do, but you’ll never hear me telling _Mer_ -lin that.” I keep trying to joke around, laugh it off and make her laugh too but she’s intent on the subject.

  
“It’s all right you know. It’s all right to actually love him.” Freya brings her knees up to her stomach and rests her head on top of them, looking out across the water.

  
“I love Guinevere.” I say instinctively, because I do, I love her very much.

  
“You can love both you know. You can have feelings for both Gwen and Merlin.” Freya says.

  
“I can?” I don’t mean to say it out loud and it sounds so child-like.

  
“Arthur, the world doesn't understand love. And in time it’ll only get more complicated. There will be wars over it, but I suspect you’ll be able to bring peace to that too. No matter who we are and who we love, when you return, there will be peace at last and we will be free to love whoever we want to.” Freya speaks with ferocity and confidence and I smile.

  
“How would you know? Can you also see into the future?” I ask curiously.

  
“Not exactly, but they do tell me things from time to time.” She answers.

  
“Who is this “they” you are mentioning?”

  
“I can’t really tell you that, because I don’t even know. I assume they are the beyond, a god or gods of some sort. They speak in different voices all the time. They come to me to tell me things, like the day you died. They told me to show up here to talk to you, I think to keep you company, prepare you as well.” Freya speaks so quietly and the wind carries her voice away in whispers. I never notice anymore when night turns into day and when day bleeds into night, it all feels the same and it feels weird not to need to sleep. Freya and I sit here like this, endlessly talking.

  
“Freya?” I begin quietly. I feel weird for breaking our silence and my heart pace quickens as I realize what I’m about to tell her.

  
“Yes, Arthur?” She replies, although I can tell she already knows.

  
“I do. I think I do anyway. I do love him.” I speak slowly at first but the last part comes out in a rush.

  
“I know, Arthur. And you can love him.” She reassuringly patting my knee.

  
“You’re not mad? And other people won’t be mad?” I sound like a child again.

  
“Of course I’m not mad. Spending so much time in the public eye has made it habit for you to care what other people think but you don’t have to anymore, Arthur. Here, you are free.” As she speaks, the water laps against the shore and for the first time in what I guess has been four years I realize my surroundings: the small bushes brush against each other in the wind, making small rustling sounds that are soothing with the crickets and water. The tall gray tower behind me stands strong. The green grass never seems to fade and it never snows or grows cold or too warm here. The perfect balance of everything, I suppose, because time and weather has no need here.

  
I sit back and prop myself up on my elbows and sprawl out on the grass. As I stare above into the glinting stars, it’s growing lighter behind me and from what I gather dawn is approaching. He’ll be back soon. The only time I can track is when he’s here and that is always at the first light. I wonder if Gwen will be with him or if he’ll come alone. I wonder if he’ll try and speak to me again or if it took too much out of him the last time. All I know is that I want to admit it to him. I want to tell him.  
The wind picks up in the direction of the shoreline, to him and before I can even think, I speak out loud.  
“I love you, Merlin. Stay with me.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur sees Gwen and Leon for the first time since his death and Merlin produces some amazing magic that reconnects old friends in a way Arthur never dreamed possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has taken me forever to continue writing because school is incredibly hectic right now but I hope this story still interest people and you find it well! :) I'm also terribly sorry for any grammatical issues, it's a weakness of mine and I tend to use my friend as an editor because she's brilliant but she too is busy with school and I couldn't wait any longer to post this! I also for the life of me don't know how to indent each paragraph so if you can help me that'd be greatly appreciated!

Chapter 2

I may never feel the seasons change but I can see them. It’s like they’re always on fast forward, they pass by so quickly and then sometimes they slow down, like some twisted person has put the world into slow motion because they want me to suffer. They want to me to be endlessly waiting here, never to be reunited with him.

  
Years have passed, maybe hundreds, I can no longer count. All I know is it feels like just yesterday I was watching a young lovely Gwen come to the shores, staring at Avalon, to where I stood on the edge too. She was accompanied by Merlin and I watched as they hugged and cried and sat on the edge with a picnic and talked, Leon was close behind but didn't disturb them. Perhaps respecting their moment together, but when they turned to leave it was only then that I noticed Gwen looked different. She had a small bump coming from her belly and Leon had his hand placed there as he gave a small smile and kissed her gently. My hand reached out to try and touch them and a smile spread across my face. I hoped very much that they could know I was perfectly happy with this outcome. There would need to be an heir to the throne, there would need to be children Gwen and I never had the chance to have; which was another reason why my foolish dreams of being in love with Merlin could never come to pass, their need to be children.  
Gwen looks across the water and her left hand rests on her belly while her right is extended in the air, towards me, and I wonder if she can feel me too. I leave my hand in the air awhile longer so perhaps she can know but then she let’s go and turns to let Leon scoop her up and onto her horse. I see Merlin stagger back a bit; he puts his arms up in gestures and is telling them things I cannot hear. They laugh a bit and Leon nods and soon they’re off and Merlin stays. He sits by the water and lets his hands create small ripples, for a second I don’t notice what he’s doing. He seems so innocent, sitting there with the sun hitting his smooth, porcelain like face; I’m beginning to notice small things about him now. Things I never did when I could. His ears are a bit odd but his cheekbones are not, they are the most breathtaking image and the sun cuts his face just right that I can see them all the way from here. I’ve never noticed how particularly fond I am of his red scarf; it is something that has caused my stomach to rumble with longing. How silly that a simply garment can cause such a feeling. It’s then that I notice the change, it’s still sunny but I can feel rain on my face, which is so odd because I can never feel rain. This rain is different though and I notice that its Merlin’s doing. He’s hands are making small swirls in the water and as they slowly ascend so does the water into gold specks that are radiant against the light and this is what the rain is, gold specks of words and voices. I can hear everything.

  
“Do you think he’s okay over there Merlin?” I can hear Gwen speak in a hushed tone and even though I know she’s not there, I look around again expecting to see her, but I realize it is Merlin and he is showing me things I could not hear.

  
“Oh I suppose he is, probably being waited on hand and foot like always.”

  
“Will we ever see him again?” Gwen is speaking so softly that it occurs to me now that she’s probably trying to hide her feelings from Leon, to spare his.

  
“One day. Although, I think you’ll be seeing him before I do.” Merlin’s voice is cut short and I can feel the lump in his throat and I realize what he means by this.

  
“So, when I’m dead you mean? I’ll cross over and see him?” I can feel her hand on his and something rumbles in my stomach again. I register this feeling as jealousy because I am longing to be the one touching his hand.

  
“Yes.” This is all Merlin can reply and things are silent. I look up to the sky and the rain still falls, kissing my face and licking my lips. I let out my tongue to drink them up, selfishly hoping they’ll be more than just words but a way to wake me up, bring me back. But I don’t think even Merlin can muster that kind of magic.

  
“Merlin, I feel him here, I honestly feel him.” Gwen begins speaking again and I know this, it was mere seconds ago, our hands were out stretched towards each other.

  
“I know I can too.” I get the feeling that Merlin is intentionally leaving out that he does know I’m here, because he can talk to me, but perhaps that’s one thing he wants to keep to himself and I can feel myself give a devilish smirk of happiness.

  
“We should be going my Queen.” Leon is by her side, his hand pressed gently against her stomach and he leans down to kiss her softly.

  
“You worry too much, Leon. We have Merlin here with us dear, he would never let harm come to us.” Gwen’s hand comes to rest at her side as Leon scoops her up and places her gently on her saddle. “Very well then, let’s be going, Merlin?”

  
“No, no, you go on without me, I think I’ll stick around for a bit.”

  
“You have always been such a faithful and loyal friend to him Merlin, I admire you so much for that.” Gwen says to Merlin.

  
“Well, Arthur would beg to differ, call me a dollop head and a lazy prat, but it takes one to know one, yeah?”

  
Leon and Gwen begin to laugh and Leon nods in Merlin’s direction and gets on his own horse and they begin to ride away. Seconds later Merlin turns around to face the water and as he bends down I can hear him.

  
“All right Arthur, I’m going to try something new.”

  
I realize now why it took me so long to realize he was even doing magic at all and that’s because for the longest time it didn’t work. It looked as though Merlin truly was a dollop head just patting at water for no good reason. I laugh to myself, viewing the spectacle that was Merlin struggling.

  
“Oi! You try talking to the dead!” Merlin’s voice yells and I swear he’s here with me and my eyes snap open and my head whips around the island. I was so content in just letting the rain fall on my face that I had forgotten where I was.

  
“Merlin?”

  
“Arthur! Oh this is so much better than that butterfly! I have been working on new things for weeks.”

  
“Merlin, how is this possible? It feels like you’re right here with me.” I step closer to the edge, almost touching the water and I realize this is the closest I’ve ever been to this unknown boundary. I have always been afraid of passing it. I have feared trying to wade into the water for fear of having my “once and future king” title taken away and being told I could no longer return. I had broken some kind of rules, but to my surprise as I step into the water nothing happens. I let the water wrap around my feet and I could feel them hugging my legs.

  
“Magic is a brilliant thing Arthur, I can do so many things with it, but I’m not even sure how I managed this to be honest. I just sat down one day and realized if all these sorcerers before me made up spells then why couldn’t I?”

  
I was laughing now and throwing my fist into the air. My heart felt like it could leap from my chest, I never wanted this moment to end.

“Merlin, how long will it last?” I ask him terrified of the answer.

“I don’t know. I have a pretty good hold on it but it’s so new, it could die out at any time.”

“Why didn’t you tell Gwen you could speak with me?” My heart is hammering against my chest with anticipation and glee.

“I didn’t know if this would work, or the butterfly would work again or if maybe I had dreamt it all up. I’m also still not used to people knowing about my magic, regardless of how much time passes. I might have, selfishly, wanted this to myself as well.” Merlin says the last bit quickly and I dare to dream on what he means.

“Very well then, where do we start?”

“Well, we work on getting you back Arthur. I thought that’d be obvious.” Merlin is laughing and it is the most glorious sound and as he laughs the rain picks up and suddenly it is a storm of golden flecks of water that wash away my fears and I laugh with him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and Arthur are reunited. Merlin has disappeared and there is a new threat against Arthur and his destiny.

Chapter 3  
There are no gold specks anymore, no voices, no memories to be shared, that felt like yesterday and all the days that passed after that felt like yesterday too. Gwen had five children, three boys and two girls. One was named Arthur, the eldest. And I watched them all grow up; I watched every one grow old, but never me. Even Merlin, once Gwen had passed, started to grow old.

I met her here and she rushed into my arms. She looked as young as I had seen her before I went to battle. Her age didn't matter now.

“Arthur, oh Arthur, I have missed you.” There were tears streaming down her face and I brushed them away with my fingertips. Her cheeks felt warm and her embrace was comforting and it had been so long since I had felt her that I crumbled underneath her.

“Guinevere.” That was all I could manage before a flood of tears were pouring from my eyes and the lump in my throat was too big to speak.

“It’s okay dear, I’m here now.” She was soothing me and making shushing sounds into my ears and I was gulping for air greedily.

“But not for long.” I couldn't handle it anymore and I fell to my knees with my arms wrapped around her waist, her hand rested on my head and I could feel her tears against my scalp.

“No, not for long but I have time, they have given me time. Come, let’s sit and talk.” Gwen was standing above me and she took one of my hands and began walking to the edge of the water, I stood with her and followed. “How have you been?”

My laugh catches me off guard and it sounds gurgled and funny underneath all my tears, Gwen makes a funny face at the sound and begins to laugh as well and soon our tears are replaced with laughter and it feels so good to have her here.

“That’s a funny question I can’t even begin to answer. I have all these feelings all the time and then sometimes not at all and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m half dead and half alive and this place is messing with me. Like you know, moving on, people are content, no need for emotions because they’re happy and at peace and sometimes I feel that. Other times I’m still part of that world, Merlin’s world and I feel everything all at once. The sadness, the anger, the hate, and I cry a lot more than I ever have and it frustrates me to no end!”

Gwen has put a hand on my arm and I realize I’m flailing around and making gestures with my arms. A few birds have flown out from the trees just behind her and I wonder if it’s because they have picked up on my voice and have flown away in fright.

“That sounds awful, I’m so sorry Arthur.” Gwen says as leans into kiss me for the first time in years and a part of me kisses her back, nothing has changed and she’s still the woman I loved and will ever love but then I pull back from her suddenly and she stares at me bewildered. “What is it Arthur?”

“Merlin,” I whisper.

“I’m sorry?” Gwen looks perplexed and I am suddenly afraid to tell her something I have spent years accepting.

“Gwen, look, you have to know something. Something has happened. You have to know though, that I love you and I will always and have always loved you. That will never change, but somewhere along the line of my dying and my time spent here reflecting on everything, that I have realized that I loved someone else all along too.” That felt safest, to perhaps ease her into the idea. I read her face like a hawk, her eyes gently unwound from her furrowed, confused look to a look of calm and then she showed the smallest hint of a smile and it was me that became suddenly perplexed by this outcome.

“Go on.” She says although it seems to me that everyone already seems to know what I’m about to say, Freya knew and even Gaius understood as we sat here in a similar situation many days ago, probably years actually.

“Do you want me to say it?” I whine, because she’s teasing me now, I know it.

“Yes, I think I do.”

“Gwen, I have never stopped loving you.” I feel guilty beyond words and she playfully shoves me away and laughs.

“Oh stop it! You love Merlin! Not as a friend but you’re genuinely in love with him. Is this the big surprise you want to tell me before I cross over into the great beyond?” She’s still laughing, like I’m the most ridiculous person in the world and I feel suddenly offended.

“Are you making fun of me for loving another man?” I am angry now and I stand immediately not wanting to be in her company any longer.

“What? No, god no! Arthur! I’m only laughing because you genuinely think you have to be sorry for loving someone other than me after all this time. I mean who would I be to tell you, you can’t love anyone Arthur? Me, with five kids and the wife of a knight of Camelot who was your friend. I think deep down I could always _see_ it, see that you loved him but it didn't bother me and it still doesn't.” She stands and steps closer to me and reaches up to brush a few strands of hair from my face. A gentle touch of reassurance, _you can trust me_ , she says and I hug her like my life depended on it and I pick her up off the ground and swing her around.

“Arthur! You have gone mad! Let me down!” She’s giggling and I know she doesn't mean it so I sling her over my shoulder and run around the island as she pounds on my back yelling for me to let her down.

I finally lay her down on the grass and I lay next to her and reach for her hand. She gives me a tight squeeze and we both lay there feeling the suns warmth against our faces. I can feel her breathing next to me and it is moments like these that I don’t feel dead at all. Soon though there will be no one left that will remember me, all that are to follow Gwen, will never know who I am and upon realizing that I might never have any more visitors saddens me greatly. I sigh deeply and I can feel Gwen look over at me.

“What is it?”

“I just, I think you’ll be the last one. I won’t know anyone anymore after this. I won’t get to talk to anyone anymore, besides Merlin, and I’m going to be alone again.”

“There’s Leon. And not forever though, you’re meant to do great things Arthur, greater things than anyone in this world could possibly achieve, you have to hold on to that until it is time.” Gwen is so gentle and soothing and I roll over onto my side and lean in nuzzling my nose into her cheek. I can feel her smile against it and I give her a quick kiss and lay back down. “What do you mean, ‘besides Merlin’?”

“We can communicate. We have been for years; his magic is beyond anything I knew someone was capable of.” As I’m speaking Gwen shoots up from her spot and whips around to stare at me.

“Are you telling me that I could've talked to you for years and Merlin kept this from me?” She looked furious, _oops, sorry Merlin_.

“Well I think he was afraid! People might think he was a bit too obsessive over my death, couldn't quite get a grip on it and move on and I don’t know Gwen! I think he just wanted this to himself!” I was trying to come up with decent excuses for him but none seemed to make sense under the glare that Gwen was giving me. She got up from her spot and paced the ground.

“Come now, Gwen, sit with me, I don’t want our time to be up before we know it and you’re angry like this.” I say patting the grass next to me in hopes she’d let go of the anger she was feeling.

“That complete prat! I can’t believe he’d keep something like this from me. Although, of course I can see why, perhaps I would too.” She was talking to herself and pacing and I roll my eyes and close them as I lay back down, I pluck a piece of grass off the ground and stick an end in my mouth. I am delightfully surprised I can taste its sweetness. “I mean of course it all makes sense. Why wouldn't he keep something like this to himself?”

“What are you on about?” I say lazily, trying to seem like I am still involved even though Gwen is clearly in her own little world.

“ Isn't it obvious Arthur?” Gwen says finally coming to sit back down next to me, I can feel her staring at me and finally I open my eyes and look up at her.

“What’s obvious Gwen?” I am slightly annoyed with her now.

“He feels the same way!” She claps her hands together in excitement. My heart stops and it feels like I have died all over again.

“Don’t be ridiculous Gwen. There’s no way _Mer_ -lin feels the same way about me.”

“Well then why wouldn't he share this with me? If we’re all friends and all love each other very much why wouldn't he want me to know I could talk to you? Unless he was being selfish, because he’s in love with you and wants to be able to talk to you and only you whenever he wants without worrying about me tagging along. It’s what I would do.” Gwen shrugs her shoulders at the last bit and I begin to see her point and remember all the things Merlin has said to me when I would ask why he doesn't want to tell Gwen.

_“I might have, selfishly, wanted this to myself as well.”_

“I think it’d startle her to know what my magic is capable of.”

  
“I think telling her would only confuse her.”

  
These were all conversations we had, had and I accepted each and every excuse because I didn't really mind that it had just been me and Merlin and I had accepted these answers as truth because the thought of him wanting this because he loved me too seemed crazy.

“Where is he?” I say to no one in particular. Gwen has been here for nearly a week and I haven’t seen Merlin here once.

“Who? Merlin?” Gwen asks looking around.

“Yes, he’s normally here every day at dawn.” My throat is tight and the tears are hot and instant, maybe he doesn't love me after all.

“I’m sure he’s just off on an adventure, you know Merlin. Maybe he’s onto tips of how to bring you back or something.” Gwen is trying to sound reassuring but I think even she can hear the lies.

“No, he’s here, every day, it never fails. What if something is wrong with him? I mean I haven’t seen him, I haven’t seen him since your funeral.” The light bulb clicks on a lot faster now, of course, maybe he knows Gwen will be here now and thinks I have no use for him, or maybe he’s giving us time to reconnect.

All I know is watching him that day, as Leon stood with his kids all surrounding him as Gwen’s boat sailed away, Merlin stood in the back not moving at all. I noticed the difference in him then, his hair wasn't as black as night anymore, it was beginning to gray and was much longer than I was used to, almost to his cheeks. He was wearing a long midnight blue robe on, that frankly looked ridiculous, but I had a suspicion it was Gwen’s idea of giving the “Court Sorcerer” appropriate attire. His scarf was gone. Leon raised his hand silently and I could see it shaking as he dropped it to his side, a signal for the knights to release their fiery bows. Gwen’s boat became engulfed in flames as it sailed across the river and when I turned my back no longer able to stand the sight of a sobbing Leon and a stoic Merlin, she was there and by the time I looked back Merlin was already gone.

“He’ll be back, Arthur. I’m sure of it.” Gwen is quiet and I don’t realize that she has approached me or that I’m even standing on the edge of the water, my bare feet being kissed by the rivers small waves.

“But he’s here, every day.” My voice is but a whisper and I don’t know if she even hears me but she stands with me all the same and reaches for my hand.

“Then I will wait with you until I am told to go.” I look over at her then and realize all the reasons I feel in love with her. Her strength, compassion, beauty and love for all people and all things. She took a scared man raised by a reckless father and helped him become a king. He could've never been who he was without her and Merlin and this is why he loved them.

“You were such a beautiful Queen. You, you made brought peace to our land Gwen, united all different types of people together as one and you set most of them free to be who they are with no fear.”

“Thank you Arthur. But you played a great part in it too, don’t you ever forget that. Don’t forget your destiny.”

“I won’t.” I tell her and she nods happily.

My face begins to fall as I look down at my feet. The water is making unusual ripples and is being violently tossed around. The ground is shaking and I hear a massive crack come from behind me and as I turn the top part of the tower that stands in the middle of Avalon is crashing to the ground. Although, we don’t have to worry about dying anymore, out of habit I push Gwen and I out of the way as the stones come crashing into the spot where we just stood.

“Arthur, what’s happening?!” Gwen is alarmed but remarkably staying calm but this is nothing new, she’s probably gotten very good at this over the years.

“I don’t know, but listen to me, Gwen, listen.” I whip around. I'm not sure what's happening but I have an idea on what I need to do. I put my hands on her shoulders, I shake her just a little to get her to look at me because she’s staring at the tower and not focusing. “I know there’s a light, I need you to find it Gwen, I need you to find it and walk into it.”  
“What?! No! Arthur, I won’t leave you here!” Gwen is full on panicked now, losing all composure and clinging on to me for dear life. My left hand reaches up and softly touches her curly hair and I play with it and shush her until she finally calms down.

“I need you to find it Gwen. Whatever this is, it’s not here for you and if there’s a possibility of you being trapped here I need you to go, now.”

“But what is going on? Will you be okay? Arthur, I’m scared.” I cup her face into my hands and kiss her so intensely, it’s no wonder the earth is trembling beneath our feet, my lips are hot and intent on hers and I kiss her mouth greedily, soaking up every bit of her because this will indeed be the last time I see her for quite a while. I start to slow down, wanting to end on a tender and loving note and when I part from her lips, mine are still burning with the memory and Gwen’s eyes are still shut as I take her arms and turn her around on the spot. I push her back against me and wrap my arms tightly around her waist and place my head on her shoulder.

“Don’t be scared, you have no need to be scared anymore, but it’s time now Guinevere. I want you to open your eyes, take a deep breathe, find the light and let go. I will see you again someday.” I am careful to not let my voice break, for I know she will turn around and stay put. I pick my head up off her shoulder and let my hands dangle to my sides as I let go of her waist. I feel her inhale deeply and take a few steps forward.

“Oh I see it Arthur, oh it’s so beautiful. I see my father and Elyan! They’re there! Waiting for me, I can hear them! And Gaius is there, Arthur can you see this?”

“No, I cannot.” I say.

“They’re calling for me, they want me to come, but how can I leave you?” I see Gwen stop walking and she hesitates and I’m instantly at her side, my hands on her waist again.

“Don’t stop now love, you’re almost there. It is time for goodbyes in the present.” I whisper gently to her. I can hear the hiccups as she begins to cry and I bury my face into her hair until I can feel her neck and kiss it. “You are so brave.”

“I’ll see you again one day. I love you.” She whispers and I let go of my hold.

“And I you.” I say and with a burst of white light she is gone and everything grows dark once more and the earth is still shaking and the tower is still crumbling.

“FREYA?! Now would be a bloody good time to tell me what the hell is going on!” I shout into the lake, hoping she’ll appear; she does not disappoint.

“ARTHUR!” She is emerging from the lake carrying something in her hand. It glistens as water drops off of it and Freya’s face is frightened. “Catch!”

My hand extends instinctively and I catch the sword in my right hand. It warms against my skin, as if greeting me and the silvery gold seems to brighten upon my touch as if knowing we are together again at last. I raise my sword and everything falls into place, like I haven’t been dead for years. I guess I will never forget how to fight and when I whip around to face whatever is coming for me is when everything goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really have no idea what to make of this. The last bit came suddenly and I just kind of felt like well there's obviously going to be people and things that are a constant threat to Arthur because they know he is to return and are going to try and stop that from happening, death won't stop them from trying to go after him somehow. I just wanted a bit of the drama. But I really hope this is decent and you all enjoy this addition! Much love to you all, Cassidy<3


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arthur realizes somethings he didn't know he was capable of . . .magic, for one.

They’re huge and at least ten of them. They are massive and black and they look like death itself. My mind is racing and my eyes are darting to each one, they look like horses but they’re moving too fast for me to be sure. They have no eyes, they have no skin, they are just merely bone, but they can breathe, or maybe that’s just steam billowing from their nostrils. I swipe my sword around and it glows like a beacon of safety and the horses dart around it not wanting to come any closer. My sword, I have always felt it, since that day Merlin took me to it to pull it from that rock, it felt like something other worldly. It fit me just right, knew what I was about to do before I did it. It worked _with_ me. It wasn’t me just flinging around a piece of metal to kill people; it honest to god _helped_ me.

“Merlin, you complete dollop head!” I shout with glee for half a second before I realize the danger I’m in, but I know that it was him. This sword was magic, I could feel it surging through me and then suddenly gaining confidence, I swung into action attacking the first beast closest to me.  When I pierced its chest it didn’t die, but instead let of a blood curdling screech and faded into mist. I didn’t know if it would come back, maybe just being an illusion because it looks to me like these beasts are dead, so I don’t know how I can kill them again, but I try not to worry about it and move on to the next one.

“Freya? Is there any chance you could help me here?” I am shouting at her as she’s standing in the lake watching.

“I’ve never learned how to fight Arthur! What use would I be? We have one sword between us and my magic is worthless.”

“Well, have you ever tried? It couldn’t hurt!” My sword cuts the jugular of one of the beasts and it too lets out a scream and then vanishes, so far the other one hasn’t come back but the beasts have suddenly become more violent and aren’t backing away from my sword in fear anymore. I find myself facing eight gigantic beasts, which have formed a circle around me. I close my eyes and wish for Merlin to be here, for these beasts to be gone, for the strength to fight them all on my own and suddenly I’m wondering what happens to a person when they die twice, where will I go a second time?

I have no time to think on that question though because suddenly I feel a soft wind touch my face and my eyes open to a white light so bright that I shut my eyes again. The screams sound fatal and I can count about eight of them and a huge gust of wind shoots across my face knocking me sideways and onto the ground. I make an ‘oof’ sound when I hit the floor, and instinctively lay on my back with my sword pointing to the air incase anything is about to pounce on me. But I feel nothing and I hear nothing and I squint through my eyelids and only see Freya, running out of the water to my side.

“Arthur!” She sounds pleased and relatively surprised that I am still here.

“What the bloody hell was that all about?” I sit up on my elbows and look around, everything seems normal, like nothing happened at all. I instinctively look to the shore to see if Merlin is standing there because I am sure that what just happened was magic but he’s not there and so therefore it must’ve been Freya. “Did you do that?”

                “No, I haven’t tried magic once since being here. I’ve never _needed_ it.” Freya was looking around the place and she too looked at the place where Merlin normally stands. “I thought, maybe.”

                “Me too.” I whisper quietly and turn my head quickly so she won’t see my tears. “Who was it then?”

                “Maybe it was you.” Freya says quietly and I scoff at the remark.

                “ _Me?_ Please. I don’t have magic.” I say batting my hand at air, dismissing the idea.

                “Not when you were alive, but here, and when you were born.” Freya begins and stops short.

                “What do you mean? When I was born?” I say inquisitively.

                “Arthur, your mother-,” Freya stops and bits down on her lip.

                “What about her? Get on with it!” I shout a little and she jumps. I regret scaring her at once but the subject is touchy with me, which I gather she knows.

                “She didn’t, she didn’t die of natural causes, but you know all this.” Freya says in a whoosh of air and I sit back momentarily stunned.

                “So it was true and Merlin lied to me?” My heart can’t possibly feel like it’s broken any more than it is but yet this proves that it’s not quite done.

                 “Look, I’m sure he didn’t-,”

                “No, I know he didn’t. He meant to protect my father; he didn’t want me to hate him. But my mind then about magic, it would’ve changed, but he let me still hate magic and all those who used it. Why is he such a bloody idiot?!”

                “Because he’s Merlin.” Freya says simply and it makes me laugh. I flashback to a moment,

                _“So you’re not an idiot that was another lie.” I say to him as he tells me he can see the path ahead with his magic. I had been so angry then, but at the same time relieved and calm. Because Merlin was on my side, he was protecting me and I think I realized then that I knew all along. He had always been special, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on._

_“No just part of my charm.” He said, his smile faltering at my face. It saddened me to watch his smile falter, to watch him think that I didn’t see him as the Merlin I knew anymore. Which was true, he was someone entirely new, but I couldn’t gather quite then what to tell him to make it better between us._

                “Is it my fault?” I whisper suddenly. It startles Freya and she turns to me with a frown on her face, but she didn’t have to even ask what I was referring to.

                “It was just destiny Arthur.”

                “He’s alone.” Everything I’m saying isn’t coming out right anymore. They’re small tidbits of what is actually running through my head. _Merlin_. Merlin was protecting me. Merlin spent years by my side, never leaving it, never faltering from it, never fearing the wrath of what it would cost if he were to be found out. He stuck with me. But who was out there now to protect him? To keep me safe? _And where in the bloody hell was he?_ “I need him back.”

                Freya’s head rested on my shoulder and I could feel her head nod, “we all do.”

***

                There was a soft crunch beneath my feet; I looked down to find dead leaves and branches surrounding my every step. I looked up to find myself facing a small fire and trees surrounding me. I sit down and the hands that are in front of me are not my own. They are _his_. They are older though, aged and cracked. He puts them in front of the fire to warm them up and then he sits back and stretches his legs back. I can feel bones popping in all sorts of places and he gives a soft grunt of pain. As the fire crackles on there are footsteps behind us that makes his head whip around.

                “Sorry mate! Didn’t mean to startle you! On a hiking excursion, saw the fire, thought maybe I could ask for a bit of help. I think I’m lost.” A man emerged from the shadows and he’s wearing strange clothing. No armor, nothing to protect himself, he has something strapped to his back but I don’t see weapons and I don’t see a horse in sight.

                “Not a problem, where are you heading?” His voice startles me, it’s been so long. I feel a tug somewhere deep in my chest and I let out a whimper that I wonder if he can hear because he bats at his ear just as I do, but I didn’t hear a bug pass by and it’s as if I’m inside him. I mean, I’m seeing things through his eyes, how am I see these things? Why am I seeing this?

                “I’m heading south, trying to get back to my bloody car.” The man said and gestured at the fire and a log beside it in hopes of a minutes rest. I could feel his head bob up and down.   _I’m sorry, where is this man trying to get back to? Where is Car?_

                “Ah, well you’re not far off, the path you just left all you have to do is keep walking on it for, I’d say another hour or so. Should take you right back to the parking lot that’s connected to this trail.” The man nods and lets his hands be in front of the fire for a bit more before he speaks again. _What in the bloody hell is this Parking Lot?_

                “We can’t let him return.” I can feel a jolt of panic that isn’t my own and then an instant calm. I feel a rush of heat that isn’t from the fire and a tingle that leaves my body and marches its way across the man.  “Go ahead. Kill me, Merlin. But it won’t stop us.”

                “Who are you?” I can feel the edge; the anger that is rising is something I’ve never felt before, something I’ve never seen Merlin before.

                “We are who we’ve always been.” Merlin snorts at the retort and his eyes, our eyes, give a rude eye roll.

                “That’s great and all mate but you do realize who I am?” I can feel the arrogance and I smirk smugly.

                “Of course I do, great powerful one, but do you really think you’re a match against a group of us?” The arrogance is returned but only fuels the flame that I can feel building inside of Merlin.

                “I have lived 900 years, you are a mere _boy_ , I have learned a thing or two and I haven’t been intimidated by your kind before, not gonna start today.” Merlin shrugs his shoulders and gets up. “I would advise you to return to your little group, whatever you call yourselves this days and please for the love of all that is sacred do not tell me that you call yourselves Death Eaters and tell them to back off before I have to eliminate the lot of you. I do not wish to continuously harm my own kind, but you do not know the dangers in which you are putting yourself into.”

                “And what consequences would you have us endure, Emrys?”

                “Not mine, although trust me, I’ve learned to vent my anger over the years and I can have a little fun. But you’re messing with destiny, a prophecy, and the once and only future. There is no other way, he _will_ return and you trying to stop it will only lead you to your end.”

                “Well, I guess we shall see about that.” I can feel the magic whipping the air, the breeze licks Merlin’s face and it feels hot and electric, Merlin’s body tenses and then he lets out a long exasperated sigh.

                “I really wish you wouldn’t test me.” Across from me I can see the man’s eyes flash red and he has an evil smirk slapped across his face that’d I’d gladly take off for him but suddenly his eyes sputter and die out and he face turns to outrage.  “Let me make myself clear. My name is Merlin, some call me Emrys, I am from this earth and this earth belongs to me. I am magic itself and if you think for a second you are stronger than me, you are wrong. You are born from me, the magic within you is _my magic_ , I yield it, I have shared it and I can take it away.”

                The man’s face is horrified with the realization that his magic is gone.

                “They’ll kill me.” He pleads but Merlin just flicks his hand to extinguish the fire and turns away leaving the man in darkness.

                I am being shaken awake from somewhere and I moan in protest.

                “Arthur, _ARTHUR.”_ The voice is highly irritating and I’d much rather stay here with Merlin, even if he doesn’t know I’m here. The shaking persists though and finally my eyes snap open to stare at Freya above me.

                “’M sleeping.” I say as I roll over onto my side, my back facing her.

                “I know you are, but how?” Freya says calmly and suddenly I realize and sit up completely awake.

                “How?” I look at her in panic. “What’s happening?”

                “You tell me!” Freya was concerned and kneeling beside me as I propped myself up on my elbows, remembering what I had seen.

                “Merlin, he was there, he was somewhere. This man came to him. Merlin, he was angry, he’s not the same, and he’s changed. The worlds changed.” I remember Merlin saying it had been 900 years, how had it been that long already? It makes sense now I had been seeing things over the years, across the river to the mainland, trees disappeared, houses were built, there were funky things moving back in forth, big boxes on wheels. But how had I let this much time pass and not know it? Why had he been alone for this long and completely abandoned me?

                “What did the man say?” I startled out of my thoughts, forgetting I wasn’t alone and turned to Freya.

                “It’s been 900 years! 900 Freya!” I stand up and pace around, angry. “How could he have left me? He is my servant, he is meant to be at my side. He is my friend.”

                “Arthur,” She speaks quietly as she stands up and looks across the water “I just don’t think you’ve been looking hard enough.”

                I follow her gaze then and find an old man, one I recognize well pass by and pause right in the spot Merlin normally stands. He’s wearing a blue hate and his long gray hair blends with his beard and falls on top of his baggy blue jacket. He has two satchels over his shoulders and I watch him stop and take in a deep breathe.

                “What an arse.” I whisper quietly and Freya chuckles. “No, really, he’s been here the old time, just _older_ and has left me to believe he’s just gone?”

                “I’ve said this forever now Arthur, I don’t think he can handle the pain. He can, in his own way, by ignoring that you’re gone. But if he’s constantly talking to you? Without seeing you? Wouldn’t that hurt you a bit?”

                I roll my eyes but know that it would hurt. It would hurt a great deal, it does hurt. I can see him but not touch him and I can hear him but not hold him.

                “I want to return.” I say as if that settles the matter and the universe will just shift and let me pass back into his world.

                “I don’t think so, not quite yet, but your dreams. I think I have an idea.” Freya speaks and grabs my hand and drags me back onto the ground. I sit and look at her and raise my eyebrow questioningly.

                “I think you can talk to him now, this connection that is between you too? I think you have power over it just as much as Merlin does. I think that if we practice you can talk to him.”

                “But you just said that Merlin probably doesn’t wish to speak to me because it’s too painful.”

                “Yes, but you’re also in pain from not having talked to him. And being that I’m here with you, I’m taking your side on this.” Freya smiles up at me and I give her hand a right squeeze.

                “What do I do?” I ask eagerly.

                “Lean back and close your eyes. Just focus on your breathing until you’re pulled back into wherever it was you were before. I don’t think it’s dreaming, or that you’re even sleeping. I just think it’s the fact that you can connect to him because of the magic that surrounds the two of you. Therefore, you can see what he’s doing, feel what he feels and hear what he hears. So, I think you’ll be able to tell him how you feel in return.”

                “I don’t know if I’m ready to tell him yet.”

                “900 years, Arthur. Please.” I can’t see the eye roll but I can feel it and I give an amused snort in return, she’s right.

                “Okay, now be quiet and focus. Focus on him and only him.”

                It’s not that hard, because he’s all I have been focused on for the last 900 years. His name is on my lips right before I’m pulled back in.

_Merlin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This feels really choppy mainly because I had to many ideas to try and piece together! And I also really wanted to get this up because I feel like I've been away from it for far too long! I hope this isn't horrid for you all to read! Much love to you all<3


End file.
